Life Style

When someone loved you the way you wanted to be loved…

When all your dreams of being loved in the exact manner you wanted came true – you found yourself confident, able to face new facets of life and were sometimes even over-confident.

You saw yourself in a different light. This love’s validation and approval made you whole. It made you feel special. It made you make every aspect of you that you did not like instantly appealing. You found a version of you that you didn’t know existed.

“In the endorsement of another I found myself. Without him I was lost,” you said.

The Narcissist banks on this, waiting in the wings for your soul to light up, so they can toy with it some more. The Narcissist causes this faux-transformation and weaponizes it against you later. For now, you are euphoric, drenched in a version of you that no one could see and only he ‘knew’ how to excavate. You are on a high. And just as stealthily as it was concocted by the Narcissist, it is broken down – to disconnect you from your self – worse than what you felt before. If earlier you could see some flaws in you that you needed to work on, now all you are is flawed, damaged, messed-up and un-fixable.

The Narcissist knows ‘rejection and abandonment wounds’ run deep. These wounds are like gravity – they hold true for the best and worst of us. It is not specific to you or a defect of you. But in their devaluing of you after an intense tsunami of validating you – the withdrawal of their affection, interest, love and focus – leaves with you reeling in self-doubt, confusion and self-rejecting. Added to this is the hidden psychological games that have already been played with your mind, brainwashing you on so many fronts – that you implode.

The over-confidence you had earlier is a crumpled remnant of dried-up soul now. A version of you that repulses you, shames you, guilts you and triggers you. You have lost that validation that propped your confidence and gave you meaning – and the manner in which you have been made to lose it – has worked its way into your psyche in a quiet, unknown manner, making you feel unwanted and not good enough to be loved and filled with qualities that are inadequate.

You are unaware that you have been through a psychological wringer, messing your sense of worth up and leaving you for half-dead.

It is now – only you – that can revive and resuscitate yourself. You have to see what has played out in your life has not been an ordinary, normal break-up, rather a planned attack on your soul. The attacker – the Narcissist – knowing all the while that it is your stability, your emotional balance, your wit, your optimism, your strength, your free spirit – that they wanted to crush – once and forever – and with the experience they have with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and having done this many times before – they will succeed. This control and power over you are their high and it is immaterial what happens to you or how dangerous it gets for you or who all are involved in their path, who also get hurt along the way – kids, parents, in-laws, siblings, friends, co-workers – does not matter.

This is the Plan. To. Break. You.

You have to see it. You have to be swift.

You have to understand that experts can understand symptoms and red flags and you have to act in accordance with your own highest interest, rapidly. Before any further mind-games are played on you and you find yourself in a mental, vicious fog of sadness, depression, addiction and self-sabotage.

The wounds triggered within you need to be tended to at the speed of light.

This is the decision that needs to be made immediately. By you. To ALIGN. To recognize who you are.

You are unbreakable and this is a temporary glitch.

Make no mistake – your active participation in your own recovery is your most important step. Take it now. One step in front of another.

You have always been approved. Always been in tandem with the Universe. With your Life Force Energy – that wants to show you what your true meaning and purpose is? This frozenness is showing you – that your SOMEONE IS YOU – and you alone.

It is not when someone outside of you likes you or your quirks – that you begin to give yourself permission to like those things about you.

Like yourself now. This very instant. For YOUR UNIVERSE – is looking at you and liking all of those things and more. Feel seen. Feel loved. Feel the feelings of BELONGING TO YOUR SELF. Feel the feelings of freedom, openness and space within you to embrace the discomfort of heartbreak, of narcissistic contortion and damage – honor those feelings – and let them be, they will reduce and will lead you to your truest, highest self.

When I love me exactly as I am – I feel confident of myself – my crooked teeth, my stutter, my fat, my mole, my nose, my quirks, my lacks – for those are me too – the me I love and flaunt – not hide and cover. Sometimes, I get over-confident of these things too – and that is when I know – it is my ENERGY, my Universe that is my enforcer, my endorser, my approver, my lover – the one that makes me experience this, to come out the other side with the one I had not seen and belonged to for quite some time. That’s when I know that ‘In the acceptance of me – when I love me – I am capable of withstanding the harshest, psychologically crushing heart-break and be put back together again and laugh again and live again – and it is then that I become a form of me that amazes me and is the highest version of me!”

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Disclaimer

Views expressed above are the author’s own.



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